Six Myths about Grief
When a person is grieving, people will try to comfort them by saying “Don’t feel bad”. Do these sounds familiar to you?
Don’t feel bad, she’s in a better place.
Don’t feel bad, at least they didn’t suffer.
Don’t feel bad, he lived a long life.
This statement is actually dismissing the person’s feelings. It suggests that what the grieving person is feeling is wrong. It does not change the feelings that the person is having. The grieving person will have these feelings no matter what you say to them.
“The single largest source of emotional confusion in our society stems from the patently false idea that we somehow should not allow ourselves to experience sad, painful, or negative feelings.
Imagine is the situation was reversed and people told you not to feel good.
Don’t feel good, you’ll do terrible next time.
Don’t feel good; remember the divorce rate is 50 percent.
Don’t feel good; things are going to get worse.
When people are grieving over the loss of a cherished possession, pet, or the end of a relationship, the advice given is typically to replace the loss.
When a pet dies, many people dismiss it as not being that important. You can just replace it with another pet, right? Anyone who’s ever had a pet they loved would say that statement couldn’t be further from the truth. Replacing the loss is like replacing the relationship you had. It is not possible to replace a relationship.
Everyone remember their first love and how the relationship ended. At one point or another, everyone deals with the loss of a relationship. After a break up, many of us are told “Don’t feel bad, there are plenty of fish in the sea.” Were basically being told, once again, to replace the loss.